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Archive de la catégorie «Jokes»

A fairy tale

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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 
‘Tie me up,’ she purred, ‘and you can do anything you want.’  
So he tied her up and went golfing.
 
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. 
She slammed the door and [...]

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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 
‘How old was your husband?’ ‘98,’ she replied. 
‘Two years older than me’ 
‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented. 
She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?
 
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 
‘And what do you think is the best thing 
About being 104?’ the reporter [...]

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Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable [...]

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Water on Mars !!!

Finaly the NASA found water on Mars :

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Airplane Airplane

Last week I went to a funeral in Holland, never a great moment, but this time also we couldn’t fly to Rotterdam since there was no flight on tuesday, so we went to Brussels, me refusing to put another foot on Schiphol airport Amsterdam. (We had to go to Breda anyway, which is closer.)
Anyway, we [...]

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Pregnancy Q &A &more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and [...]

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Oops…

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Prepare now for the Beijing Olympics. Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud)
English:                                            Chinese:

That’s not right!                                         [...]

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The menstrual Cycle.

A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or [...]

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When someone is impatient and says, “I haven’t got all day,” I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
(George Carlin)

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A point about Sex

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.  Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?”
“That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered.  “Think about this: When your ear itches and you put your [...]

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Un jour, un homme rentre du travail pour trouver le chaos qui règne à la maison.                                                         
Ses enfants, encore en pyjama, jouent dans la boue du jardin. Sur le gazon, tout autour de la maison, il y a des cartons de repas congelés et des boîtes de jus de fruits par terre. Quand il entre dans la maison, [...]

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It’s all in the brain…

Man… woman… check this video out on “Marriage Resource center media”

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C’était il y a quelque temps, au bal de la Nuits-Saint-Georges que j’ai
rencontré la petite Juliénas, une fille drôlement Gigondas, un sacré beau
Meursault, bien charpentée, et sous sa robe vermillon un grand cru classé,
avec des arômes de cassis et de fraises des bois. On a dansé Anjou contre
Anjou sur un Sylvaner à la mode et [...]

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USB WINE

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It’s all her fault…

Adam and Eve are in Paradise.
Eve forces Adam to bite the apple. They are sent away from paradise by God who is very angry and says to Eve : “Traitor, you were in paradise, you were very happy, you had everything you can wish, I gave you everything, now you betrayed me ! You will be [...]

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Ah, so true! Men Are Just Happier People.

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell [...]

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(NB. All pictures in this post are taken in the South of France) 
Autumn is a season for big decisions — like whether or not it’s too late to start spring cleaning. Autumn — time to drag out your winter clothes and see what kind of summer fun the moths had.
The autumn leaves are a lot [...]

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I wish I had time to blog… I really should open a restaurant again, so I would work and see lovely people at the same time…

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There is always a way out…

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For those who don’t know, here’s some help :
Foul Play – what the other side do. If your side do it, it’s called ‘using your initiative’.
Ruck – informal, impromptu get-together for forwards and a few close friends.
Mark – if you can cleanly catch a ball kicked several hundred feet in the air within your own [...]

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Griepje…

I just spend a few days in my bed, yes, I did, a desperate working housewife in bed, that exists you know, so today, back behind my desk this is how it looks: (Blog… not very important… but sooooo relaxing !)

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I couldn’t resist, after a big storm, the beach was full of seaweed, I made a nice wig out of it, imagined (tried very hard) being on Malibubeach… Ok, ok, the red bathingsuite is missing, well would Pamela wear one in this weather ? No way boys ! Thanks for your support !

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Zoals ik al eerder schreef, Ome Herman en Philippe kunnen elkaar lekker opn… over de email en ik moet daar altijd smakelijk om lachen, dit ging vandaag weer ff lekker zo :
Herman Jan schreef :
… en een prettig weekend !
Laatste GP van Frankrijk (eindelijk !!!), dus wel kijken hé ! (historie !)
Zijn er eigenlijk wel [...]

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Homeless

A man in the street is being stopped by a homeless, very dirty and badly dressed, who asks him some money for food. The man goes for his wallet and takes out a 10 € note but before giving him he asks:
“ If I give you this money, will you go for a beer [...]

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